Wednesday, May 27, 2009

It's my birthday and I can cry if i want to!!!

Ode to Diana... written by Diana, sung by Diana, worn by Diana... etc. etc. etc.

sung to "Happy Happy birthday... child dear!"

Happy, happy birthday "mee ee" dear
flabby under-arms will droop all year!
If I had one wish than it would be
to look as good as Heath er Lo- ock lear!

Let's change it up: sung to "I'm glad it's your birthday, dear child"

I'm glad it my birthday, dear me ee.
wrinkly eyelids, sagging buttocks, on me.
We'll sing you a song on this grave day,
give it up now, or try botox this year.

once again, folks: "This month is such a special one"

This month is such a special one it time to use depends.
We'd really like to in- form you that laughin's not for you.
So.... (come on girls... rip it) Zip a dee ay and Heigh "oh no"! :(
There's something you should do-
Just exercize them muscles deeeearr...
'Cuz eekin is no life!

last but not least: Sung to "Feliz Cumpleanos"

Puh-lease wrink-ly bod-y parts, Why- don't-ya-perk-up today.
I've heard the birds talk ...that gravity's on the way.

ENOUGH! and Well.... you get the point!

Happy Birthday, ME

Sunday, May 17, 2009

What's the big deal about Toilet Paper?

Things I've learned:

Toilet paper has many uses. Take t.p.-ing for instance. You can use up a really good roll just to show your bishop you like him. you can play mummy and see how quickly someone can roll the paper neatly around the t.p. tube. (not) You can play, Make a Prom dress out of t.p. You can use it when you have a cold. Some months you may even use more t.p. than others. In any event t.p seems to have a use.

However,I get in trouble when I purchase toilet paper, and I haven't quite figured out "why". For instance, I buy the economy pack. It comes with 20 rolls, 1 color shade, and 2034 sq ft of use. That's 1000 sheets per roll! Seems like a lot huh? Well, I add one of these hefty packs... (the fun pack) to my cart. Without thought or provocation, anyone of the males in our house will retort that "it sure is alot of toilet paper you are buying"... or ..."you afraid you'll run out?"... or better yet.... "even Noah didn't use that much, and he lived through the flood!"

I keep doing a mental check... hmm let's see... 5 kids X 10 sheets X 5 trips to the potty, 3 adult women =.....Halt! let's just say you can't use math to figure these things out, okay?!!!. But, even though I know that my quantities are justified as all the prophets have counseled us to get a year supply,(just make sure that your idea of year supply is the same as yer spouse)I still can't seem to convince the toilet paper patrol to give me a break when I happen to stock up. The sears catalog does not even qualify as we canceled our subscription years ago.

I am a little paranoid that I will have to start ripping bed sheets some day but that still does not answer my question of "What is the big deal" about toilet paper.
Is it an embarrassment that our family uses the big mack size, is it fear of hoarding groceries in our garage, is it spending money on that which one does not find a need?

My conclusion, especially for them thar males in the house, is it that they simply do not use it! Interestingly, I have been awakened in the middle of the night to a faint but desperate cry... "Would you please get me some toilet paper from the garage?!!" Like I want to get up and trip-trap my way to the garage for someone that doesn't even want me to buy it in the first place!

At any rate, I will not be badgered any more about my purchases of the fun pack at walmart! I will buy any size, any color, any price to ensure that I will have "the wad" at any moment, at any time. Obama has no claim!!! No one will be distributing my commodities!!!

I am not even sure if toilet paper will be bartered for chocolate in the last days. But as for all you that still have a problem, try putting your money where your mouth is:

A woman in a booth in a ladies' room could not find any toilet paper in her stall, and asked the lady in the next booth, 'Darling, is there any tissue in there? 'Sorry, no.' 'Then have you any Kleenex?' 'Afraid not.' Then the woman said, 'My dear, have you two fives for a ten?'"

Monday, May 11, 2009

You are my Hero!

I have always wanted my college education, but have not yet had the opportunity. So far, I am just starting and working very hard at it. This last Saturday, my little sister, Kara, achieved her dreams, as well as mine. She graduated Suma cum laude in a baccalaureate program from NAU in Education. I guess you could say that she ate an elephant! I am so proud of her. She is everything I wish I could be. I am following in her footsteps and hope that someday I can make this same walk. I love you so much, Kara.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Last Wednesday, Emily and I took a last minute trip to Provo for Women's Conference. We had the time of our life. There were some really great inspirational talks that helped me with some of the challenges that I face. I feel refreshed and ready to tackle life again. I saw some of my Chandler friends and also spent one day with my sister at the conference. Some things that I learned from the conference were:

"When you walk into a room, either you will add to it or take away from it. You can change the world."

"When obedience ceases to be an irritant, the Lord will endow his blessings."

"Homemaking is the job for which all other things exist."

"The temple is the most holy place on earth. Our homes are 2nd to it."

"I am a woman of God sent here to create a place of refuge for my family."

"Sometimes we need to not be concerned so much with cures of trials, but seeking to find the purpose it is trying to teach you."

"Life will become sweet again and your light at the end of the tunnel will become brighter."

"Give up on asking the why's of life... Ask God How?"

"We are the Relief Society! Provide relief for all that hinders motherhood."

"Life is not fair! Fair is where you go to see the pigs."

"Store up a year supply of humor."

"Laughter is Drano for the Soul."

"Show me someone that doesn't have guilt and I'll show you a man."

"Some days you are only here to make someone else look good."

For some it is difficult to save for women's conference and be able to take off time. However,If you manage to do it, I promise you will not live to regret it.